A Pirate's Life
by lakariana
Summary: Settling down in the realm without magic was never going to be easy for an infamous pirate captain. Longish drabbles based around Hook in Storybrooke, some hung on a plot idea, most set during season four. Kinda fluffy in places.
1. Chapter 1: The pig

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Once Upon a Time or any of its characters, or any other recognisable characters. This is just for fun.

 **Author's Note:** This is set during those apparently blissful six weeks after season four's Heroes and Villains. I love Captain Swan but it's slightly hard to believe a three hundred year old pirate would just hang up his cutlass and fall into domestication quite as easily as on the show and Smee mentioned that a few of Hook's crew ended up in Storybrooke in season three. So, here's my idea for a little bit of pirate mischief.

 **...**

 **The Pig**

Emma honestly couldn't believe it. Stood in front of her were six of Robin's Merry Men, looking decidedly less than merry, and four pirates, including a far too smug looking pirate captain. They were standing on the road outside Granny's with furniture and broken fence slats scattered around them like a hurricane had blown through. A hurricane fueled by stupid testosterone maybe.

When she'd gotten a call about a fight at Granny's she'd expected maybe Leroy and another dwarf shouting about who bought the next round, not a full on street brawl with flying patio chairs and Smee being thrown through the fencing. Thankfully Regina had taught her a paralysis spell which had brought everything to a stop before it'd gotten even more out of hand. Thank god none of them carried weapons anymore.

"Are you all kidding me with this? What is the matter with you all." She demanded. There was a moment's uncomfortable silence as they glanced at each other.

"He stole the pig!" Little John suddenly exclaimed, pointing a beefy finger right in Hook's face. John's face was bright red which did nothing to hide his rapidly purpling eye or the blood dripping from his nose.

"Why the bloody hell would I steal a pig? For decoration?" Hook shouted back. Killian of course looked almost normal, apart from a slight rosy blush in his cheeks from exertion, he looked no different than he had when she'd said goodbye to him that morning. In fact compared to the Merry Men the pirates all looked generally relaxed and normal, whether this spoke to their fighting ability or the fact that they always looked like they'd just been in a fight was difficult to tell.

"Who knows what pirates get up to?" Little John replied.

"Nothing involving a dead pig, that's firmly the realm of you forest dwellers. Lonely nights with just the trees and other men... must get hard." Hook sneered.

"Why you..." Little John cursed stepping towards Hook.

"Enough!" Emma shouted, silencing the argument. She glared at the groups of men in front of her. Suddenly noticing David standing next to Smee and looking sober but with a telltale swelling growing on his cheek. Before she could ask what the hell he was doing there, Killian chuckled.

She focused her glare straight at him but instead of cowering his grin grew even bigger. He took a sideways step towards her, Merry Men and pirates alike shuffling almost imperceptibly backwards, giving him centre stage. She crossed her arms, if he thought he was going to flirt his way out of this he was in for a sharp shock.

"I know you want us to be contrite Swan, but I'm afraid that's the most bloody fun I've had in weeks." He said.

What the hell? She felt a flash of hurt for just a second but couldn't kid herself. She'd been struggling to let go of the last few weeks and she's not the one who'd had her heart ripped out. In fairness after Ingrid's shattered sight spell she'd expected far more conflict than the basically amicable apologies that had been handed out. This probably was a much needed release of tension, maybe now things could start getting put behind them.

Sometimes she forgot being fishermen and shop workers didn't come naturally to everyone in Storybrooke. Looking around she realised the group mainly consisted of those who'd come over in the second curse, not the first, her mother choosing not to change people's memories like Regina had.

"I know we're not in the old world now but we lived there all our lives. You can forgive us a couple of slips back to the old ways?" Killian continued and gestured to both pirates and Merry Men. Killian's uncanny way of knowing what she was thinking, was allowing him say just the right things to let them get away with this. Damn him. "Actually David here has a lifetime of memories from this world, so he really should have known better. Shout at him to your heart's content Love."

"Backstabbing pirate." Her father muttered, but she could tell it was a token complaint. He seemed perfectly happy to let Hook take the lead with her. Emma made a mental note to dob him into Mary Margaret later.

"We're not in the Enchanted Forest." She said, turning to face them as a whole. "I know it must be difficult for you all but you just can't behave that way here. We have other ways of dealing with problems. You're not separate groups fighting for survival, you're all part of this town." She stared at each one, they did look pathetic, this group of dangerous ruffians being told off like children. She sighed. "I guess you didn't do any major damage. You'll fix whatever you have broken." She said quickly. "And I will not hear of anything like this again or I will lock you all up and we only have two small cells."

"Aye lass, you are both beautiful and fair." Killian grabbed her hand as she rolled her eyes, dropping a soft kiss on the back. She couldn't help the smile from breaking out on her face even as she jerked her hand away. "Your father was actually trying to break it up bless him." He whispered with a wink. Emma rolled her eyes. Stupid boys always sticking together.

"Get out of here. All of you." She said pointedly. Killian gave her a ridiculously extravagant bow before striding off towards the dock his crew trailing behind him.

"What about the pig?" An outraged Little John stomped over to her. "I suppose you're just going to take his word for it, _sheriff_." He said the word like it was an insult. Emma took a deep breath to blow away the last of her irritation before turning to face him.

"OK." She said making a display of giving him her full attention. "Someone's stolen a pig from you?"

"Yes. Your pirate."

"You saw him steal it?"

"Well no. But it was him. Who else would steal it."

"One of your men? You are a band of thieves aren't you?"

"It was our pig. We wouldn't steal something that was already ours!" John replied outraged.

"Ok ok, you're right. So tell me what happened." She said trying to placate him.

"Ah it was a beautiful thing. Huge. And I bought it this morning with legitimate money. We'd all clubbed together when we saw it in Peep's shop." A few merry men had hung back for John's moral support and started murmuring in agreement. Emma gave them a nod to shush them. "I was just finishing rubbing it down with the last round of seasoning salt. Friar Tuck's recipe, it's amazing, makes the meat totally juicy."

"Oh you were going to eat this pig." Emma said, relieved they were definitely talking about a dead pig.

"Yes." John said clearly irritated

"It was a whole pig? How were you going to cook it?" Emma asked.

"You've never heard of a hog roast?" John asked.

"No." Emma admitted. John looked surprised but then sighed the fight finally leaving him.

"You put the pig on a spit over an open fire. You have to build a frame that'll take the weight and allow you to turn the meat so it cooks evenly and catch the dripping and a cover to keep the heat from escaping and-."

"And it sounds like a lot of hard work." Emma said cutting him off

"Yes. Took us half the day to put together." One of the men put a consoling hand on Little John's shoulder and the large man actually sniffed. "But it's worth it. We were all really looking forward to it. I thought I heard a noise. We've got complacent here, stopped fearing attacks and now we've paid the price." The murmuring started up again and Emma sighed.

"This was at your camp in the woods?" She asked. The miserable men nodded. "So what was this noise you heard?" She prodded.

"Just someone moving amongst the underbrush. I left the pig to investigate. As soon as I'd gone five paces there were these bangs and the camp started filling with smoke."

"Smoke bombs." Another not so merry man piped up from the back. "You could smell the gunpowder."

"Exactly. Who uses gunpowder? Pirates." John said.

"And the dwarves for mining." Emma replied carefully.

"Well it wasn't dwarves who raided the camp. They moved fast, and they were laughing and making stupid noises at each other."

"You could identify them if you saw them again?"

"No. I just said, the place was filled with smoke and they were making all that racket. We kept getting turned around. The best any of us saw were just flashes of people running. When the smoke finally cleared the pig was gone."

"Any idea how many people?" Emma asked actually feeling intrigued now.

"No." Little John admitted. "But it had to have been at least six. It'd take two people minimum to carry the pig and then the rest to keep us busy chasing our tails."

Emma gave them a smile of commiseration. "I'm sorry, someone definitely attacked you and stole your pig. But I doubt it was the pirates." John opened his mouth to argue, but Emma continued before he had a chance. "Smoke bombs and sneaking away isn't really their style is it? They normally announce themselves. This happened this afternoon?" They nodded. "Well Granny's already complained to me that they'd been sat here since lunch getting drunk and rowdy. And I'm pretty sure there's only a few of them in Storybrooke, it wasn't them." The Merry Men appeared to think over her words. "I will look into this. Can I come back with you now and see your camp?"

...

David had slunk off into the dinner to put a steak on his face, so Emma went to the camp alone. She hadn't done a lot of normal police type work since she'd got to Storybrooke and found herself enjoying the opportunity to look for evidence like a regular sheriff.

The smell of gunpowder was still lingering in the air and she found the remnants of a couple of the bombs. They were definitely homemade and a little bit sloppy too. Like they'd been made in a rush. That fit with Little John buying the pig on the spur of the moment. Whoever stole it must have seen him buying it and decided to take it that day.

Her mother had taught her several good tricks for tracking in the forest and Emma easily sorted out the heavy deep tread of the Merry Men's daily footprints from the interlopers' steps that were randomly crisscrossing the camp. Weirdly they seemed to be made by several different sized feet but all shallow, made by people much lighter than the thieves the camp belonged to and looked like the people making them had been running at speed. The paths they took were also chaotic with no obvious purpose. Not trained to be efficient then, Emma thought as she stared at them.

Then again, there were two sets that exited the trees on one side of the camp, crossed in unhurried and firm steps straight to the spit where the pig would have been and exited on the opposite side without any evidence of hesitation or the random changes in direction the other sets had. So the other's were a literal smoke screen while two people had calmly walked up and taken the pig. That suggested some level of teamwork and strategy.

She stepped back to survey the whole site again, imagining the smoke filling the air and the disorientating shouting Little John had described. In an instant her mind flew to another realm, to a dark jungle where she'd desperately looked for her son, a place she'd fought a band of lost boys.

Emma felt a clash of mixed feelings, bringing the lost boys to Storybrooke had been her idea, she had promised them homes and happy endings. But many of them had had a difficult time adjusting to the new realm and new life without Pan. Curses and missing years hadn't helped and Emma had lost track of many of them, only getting called up when she had to act as truant officer or chastise them for shoplifting or vandalism. Now she thought about it David had mentioned that he'd had to break up some sort of fight they'd gotten into recently. The tensions from shattered sight must have affected them too. She couldn't help feeling that she had not really lived up to her promise to them. She gave a sigh, this had to be them, she just had to prove it, and when she did she'd use this as an opportunity to focus on them. She'd been these boys dammit she should know what to do to help them.

...

Emma pulled her jacket's zipper right up under her chin while she concentrated on keeping her balance on the rocks she was walking over. The cold breeze coming off the bay, although pleasant in town, cut right inside her clothes now she was standing on the exposed shore.

So, it hadn't been as simple to prove the lost boys had stolen the pig after all. She had expected to waltz into the school and be told her usual truants were missing, but strangely they had in fact all been in school that morning when Little John had bought the pig. So although they could have run out of class at the end of the day and made it to the camp to steal the pig, how could they have known it was there or had time to plan and make the bombs? But then the fact that they all happened to be in school on the one day she was sure they were committing a crime was pretty suspicious on its own.

Something felt a bit off about the whole thing. Emma felt like she had all the pieces she just couldn't get it all together in a shape that made sense. The execution of the raid smacked of the lost boys. How many others in town would have the balls to rob the Merry Men in their own camp? But they were still a group of poorly educated, directionless, teenage boys, the speed and efficiency of the operation as a whole was definitely not them, and someone made the smoke bombs. Did they have a new leader? A new Pan?

The worrying thought had sent Emma out in her bug patrolling the homes of the boys and thankfully as the day changed from dusk to night, it had paid off. She spotted one of the older boys jumping his garden wall and running off to the shore, where Emma now stood watching him help two other boys load a row boat with small lumpy bags.

"Swan." Killian's voice made her jump and stumble on the slick stone. His hand immediately grabbed her arm and pulled her back so she fell into his chest instead of the wet ground. For a moment she let herself enjoy it, his solid frame holding her steady, his warm arms around her. She rested her hands against his chest feeling his heart thumping, right where it should be. "What are you doing here?" Moment over.

"I'm the sheriff. What are you doing here?" She snapped back, pulling away.

"I'm a man of the sea and I'm rowing out to that small island to have drinks and reminiscences with old friends." He said his eyebrow cocked and an irritating smile on his face. Emma's eyes followed his hand as he pointed out to a small rocky island a few meters out in the bay.

"You're going to drink and reminisce with lost boys?" She asked incredulously.

"Aye Love, we have many years of shared experiences. Don't fret I have both alcoholic and non alcoholic beverages." He nudged the crates at his feet. Emma stared at him hunting for the lie but not quite finding it, her gaze drifted back to the little island and the boat of lost boys disappearing around its shore, feeling uncertain.

"Forget it, she's not buying it. Just bring her. We'll be late as it is." Henry's voice made her jump a second time, but she brushed off Killian's hand without losing her balance. Her son appeared out of the darkness, scooped up one of the crates and bounded down to shoreline before she could form a coherent thought. She turned her glare on Killian who gave her an embarrassed grin before motioning for her to join the boy at the water.

"Mi'lady would you care to join us for a small Neverland reunion?"

...

Ten minutes later they were climbing out of the row boat onto the island. Killian had explained it was actually a peninsula which got cut off at high tide and formed a sheltered and hard to access rock which was apparently the perfect spot for pirates to let their hair down.

Rounding a corner of tall rocks she came into a small sandy cove protected from the winds and lit by a large fire pit around which were various groups of both lost boys and Neverland pirates. Piles of bread rolls and pots of sauces were lined up on a folding table next to a large man with a peg leg, who stood next to a frame over the pit on which hung a large carcass which frankly smelled mouth wateringly good.

"You stole the pig!" Emma exclaimed shoving Killian in the chest as he set down the crates "What? You and the other pirates planned it and left the lost boys to do the deed while you alibied yourselves at Granny's?" She didn't know why she was asking, of course that's what happened.

"You wound me Swan. How was I to know what the lost boys were planning? I am as much a vic-."

"To Captain Hook! Founder of the feast!" The shout from the beach cut off his obvious lie and was immediately echoed among the pirates with some lost boys hesitantly joining in.

"Maybe I was marginally involved in the late planning stage?" Killian tried, scratching behind his ear.

"You lied to me, you kept this a secret, you got Henry involved? For what?" Emma growled.

"For them, well, no okay it was for me." Killian replied clumsily. He grabbed her hand and forced her to sit on the rocks next to him. "I know I lied. I'm sorry Emma, but I knew you would put a stop to this and I needed it. I don't know if you'll understand but I needed to feel like myself again. The damn Crocodile got into my head Love. After all these years he beat me again and it was my own fault. I'm the one who went to him, I foolishly thought I could force his hand." He laughed at the irony of his own words. "But I ended up his puppet unable to fight, to warn you of his plans, to prevent my own death. But even now he's been defeated, banished from everything he held dear, I can't shake the things he said, about the man I was or the man I'm trying to be, for you."

Emma felt her resolve crumbling as he spoke. The horrible drive from the mansion to town after speaking to Anna was still fresh in her mind. The growing panic when he didn't answer his phone. The guilt, knowing he'd been acting strange but not having had time to act on it. She hadn't even wondered about all the time Hook and Gold had spent together, mortal enemies suddenly working together, when did that make sense? Then feeling the dark magic pouring out of the clock tower, seeing his heart bright and red in Gold's hand and knowing she was too late to save him. She knows now her heart just couldn't take something happening to this man. Her pirate. But she hadn't learnt from her mistakes, he'd been hurting and she hadn't noticed, still hadn't taken the time to work out the reasons for his behaviour. Well not again.

"So stealing the pig helped you go back to who you were." She said carefully, trying to show she wanted to understand, but Killian shook his head.

"I know who I was Swan. That's not a man I'm eager to return to. But the Crocodile was right about one thing, I'm not suited to being nothing but a docile follower either." He sighed and turned to scan the people on the beach. "I know I've purposefully not talked about my life before we met, I'm ashamed by much that I have done in the name of blind vengeance, but not everything in those hundreds of years was darkness, and even the parts that are, it would be poor form to turn my back and forget it all."

Emma thought about the Hook she'd met in the past. For all she had heard about the dangerous Captain Hook, even from the man himself, he hadn't seemed all that different from the man she knew. The man she now possibly loved. In fact compared to when he'd first come to Storybrooke he had seemed less filled with vengeance and hate, just another sailor relaxing in a tavern. It made sense that he had good memories of being a pirate too, hundred's of years focused on pain and hatred would have driven him mad otherwise.

"But I still want to be a better man than I have been, I want to change to be worthy of you Swan. I have changed somewhat I think?" He looked to her for confirmation and she found herself speechless at the level of hope and longing that filled is eyes, only able to nod in reply. "I realised I can try to be an honourable man and be the pirate captain." He nodded at the people now crowded round the fire collecting bread rolls and slabs of juicy meat. "I'm still responsible for them, the pirates at least, they were my crew, my shipmates and now they're stranded here in this unfamiliar world with little to avail themselves on. The lost boys similarly, we understand a lot of each other's troubles, I wasn't lying when I said we had a lot of history together. This, Swan, stealing the damn pig? It was to remind us what we are capable of, it was to celebrate who we were so we can better understand who we are now. This is a slice of our old world here in our new one. We may never return there but it will always be within us." Killian's voice had been rising as he ended his speech and by now the whole cove was avidly listening to his declaration, looks of enthusiasm on the faces of pirates and lost boys alike.

Emma had never seen him commanding men but she was could tell this wasn't the first rousing speech he'd given. And damn if it wasn't working. She almost wanted to join up and sail away with him. Almost.

"I appreciate how much you've changed Killian, never doubt that, and I would be disappointed if you gave up all your pirate traits." She said, earning a raised eyebrow and a lecherous smile from the man in question. "I even accept why this... escapade is so important to everyone. But I meant what I said before, you can't keep doing this. I am the sheriff in this world, I have to follow this world's rules and so do all of you. You understand that. This has to be a one time thing. We'll come up with another way to help everyone feel at home." Emma made the last statement as a promise to everyone listening.

A small ripple of relief flowed around the beach as they realised she wasn't going to arrest anyone and they returned to their general merry making. Henry ran up holding two rolls, a thankful smile on his face, although he was a fool if he thought that was last Emma was going to say to him about being involved. Emma and Hook took the offered hot rolls, Killian watching her expectantly as she eyed the food suspiciously "What is the big deal about this stupid pig?" She asked.

"Just try it." Killian said and popped a piece of meat in her mouth before she got another word out.

She couldn't help the small groan of pleasure as she tasted the meat. It was so soft it melted in her mouth like butter, and there was this salty spicy taste that left a soft tingle on her lips. Hook handed her a beer and the bitter taste just added to the flavour. Emma was brought out of her gastronomic orgasm by the sudden appearance of the pig's head.

The lost boys had stuck it on a stick and were bouncing it up and down whooping around it and laughing. They turned in a mock procession and drove the stick into the sand in the shallows, before bowing to it and running off again.

"Look! Now you made Lord of the Flies real too!" Emma said pointing at the gruesome thing and smacking Hook on the arm.

"Lord of the... flies? Who's lord of flies?" Killian asked completely baffled.

"The pig."

"The pig is dead Swan." Killian replied slowly, trying to decide if she was alright.

Emma shook her head really not wanting to get into it, despite her lingering misgivings she felt herself relaxing. They sat leaning against each other watching the boys prancing around to music the pirates were playing on an accordion. Killian's arm came around her and she curled into his warmth. The scene could've been lifted from an illustration from one of those silly _Adventure Stories for Boys_ books. She'd always been jealous of the kids in those stories. Henry bounded past, his face full of food and Emma could feel a big smile slide on to her face and an amazing feeling of contentment filling her up for the first time in maybe ever. Maybe the old world had some good things to offer after all.

"You are going to buy Little John another pig." She said, cutting her pirate captain's protests off with a kiss.

The End

...

 **Note:** I hope you enjoyed reading this. Might write a couple more shorter drabbles a long the same piratey theme. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought.


	2. Chapter 2: SBHR

**Author's note:** Not sure if this one counts as piratey, but I loved this idea and wanted to get it down. Hope you guys all enjoy it too.

 **Disclaimer:** If you recognise the character I don't own them.

...

If you had told Emma a year ago she'd be happily strolling down the docks with her arms wrapped around Captain Hook, she'd have laughed in your face. Well that may have been slightly strong, she'd probably have vigorously denied it and then spent the rest of the day wondering what it'd be like. But the point remained, Emma wasn't the cuddling type, she didn't do soft smiles and resting her head on shoulders. But here she was and it was effortless, she hadn't even thought about doing it. It was cold out, they had picked up some take out and were heading to the Jolly Roger for some privacy and she had just slid under his arm like she belonged there. She could feel Killian smiling into her hair and a warm feeling she wasn't ready to put a name to filled her being. Only to be shattered by a loud blast of male laughter as they reached the Jolly's berth.

"Oh. Oh no. It's the bloody SBHR." Killian moaned.

"What?" She asked.

"The Society Brotherhood of Human Rodents." Killian replied with a sigh.

"The what? How can you be a society and a brotherhood?"

Killian just shook his head in a way that suggested it wasn't worth talking about. He seemed to be caught in a moment of uncertainty, deciding whether to leave and try to find them some solitude elsewhere. A second bout of raucous laughter and a loud clang made the decision for him and he was quickly striding onto the deck.

"Mister Smee!" He bellowed, even without his big coat and sword he was pretty intimidating and Emma felt a small thrill as she jogged up behind him.

Sitting on the deck was a group of fairly intoxicated men, several empty glass bottles were scattered around them as well as some food containers. Emma bit her lip to keep from laughing. Hook didn't look half as amused.

"What did I say about using the Jolly Roger for your bloody drinking circle?" He demanded.

Smee had jumped to attention but was too inebriated to appear sincere as he slurred some kind of explanation. A tall thin man in a pale suit, that must have started out looking quite smart that morning but now was rumpled with dark smudges, came to Smee's rescue.

"Er, do pardon me, Captain. But the sudden move of venue is my fault. Well no it's that bear's fault. Oh Why oh why did I have him to lunch?" The man started ringing his hands and practically vibrating with anxiety. "Nearly eats me out of house and home and then somehow falls over and destroys half my house. There's a huge hole in my-" Killian held his hand up to stop the agitated man, apparently not interested in hearing the details. Emma would have to find out what happened from Granny, she heard all the gossip in town. Hook continued to glare at the group his eyes flicking to the mess of bottles littering his deck.

A small round young man with possibly the longest scarf ever created wrapped multiple times around his neck, nervously started collecting the empties and carefully sorting them into available boxes, studiously avoiding Hook's gaze as he worked. Emma had never really been scared of Killian and it was odd to see someone so intimidated by him. Although thinking about it even during their fight in the Enchanted Forest he'd never really tried to scare her, throwing out innuendo and sarcasm to distract her instead.

"Good show, old man." A preppy looking man said patting the nervous one on the back in approval before turning to Hook. "We are terribly sorry for the mess Captain, just got slightly carried away in the moment. Won't happen again, we can assure you. I must say I do cherish the chance to be here. Nothing better than messing about on the water. Although your fine ship is much grander than the boats I'm used to." He finished with a big smile on his face as he gazed about the Jolly. Hook squinted suspiciously at the obvious flattering but Emma could tell it was working.

The last member of the little group of drunkards tapped his cane on the ground for attention. He was a much older gentleman and looked the worst off out of all of them. Slumped half on a barrel and leaning heavily on a white cane, his face was red and poorly shaved but his eyes looked sharp despite being clouded over by milky whiteness.

"Thank goodness you've arrived Captain." He said in mock seriousness. "Or I would have had to share this fine libation with these plague carriers." The insult stimulated an indignant huff from Pale Suit who started muttering to himself about finding better friends.

From behind his back the old man pulled out a bottle of dark brown glass and held it out for Killian to take. Opening the top with a flick of his thumb Killian took a deep sniff and a smile broke out on his face.

"A fine spirit indeed Sir." He said. The old man lifted a cup from somewhere and Killian poured him a couple of fingers.

"To big brothers." The man said holding up the cup. The deck was silent as everyone held their breath.

"To big brothers." Killian repeated after a pause, hefting the bottle in salute. "Wherever they may wander." The old man nodded in agreement and swigged the shot as Killian drank straight from the bottle. Taking a big gulp, Killian smacked his lips and studied the bottle's label, before tucking it away inside his jacket.

"Right Swan, about face and back to Granny's." He said, turning on his heel. Emma gave the inebriates on deck a quick smile as she was steered down the gangplank. "That deck had better be swabbed by first light Mr Smee or you'll be doing it with your tongue." Hook shouted over his shoulder.

"Aye, Captain." Came the cheerful reply. Another loud clang made Killian flinch but he kept walking. Emma slipped under his arm again, burrowing into his warmth.

"You're such a soft touch." She said, before finally letting her laughter free at the look on his face.

...

 **Author's note:** So Ratty and Mole from Wind in the Willows, Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh and one of the three blind mice walk into a bar...don't know where it came from but I love the thought of them meeting up for drinks and bitching about their fellow story characters. Hope you enjoyed it too. Let me know in the reviews please?


	3. Chapter 3: TI

**Author's note:** Thank you so much to everyone who has read, followed and favourited my stories, especially **CherryWolf713, de23, P. Mellark** **and andria** for reviewing my previous chapters. I hope you guys all enjoy this one.

 **Disclaimer:** Same as before.

...

"Yes Regina, we're here." Emma said, only containing her sarcasm at the anxious queen because of the seriousness of the situation. A freaking land developer had bought land just outside Storybrooke and had somehow managed to send a representative through the town line to make a deal to connect their operation to amenities. Perfectly reasonable everyday occurrence for small town America, if Storybrooke was an everyday American small town and not a magical hot spot created by a curse in another realm.

"Well you took long enough to get here Sheriff." Regina's voice scolded her down the phone. "I had to come up with small talk to delay her as long as I did."

"That must have been terrible." Emma replied sharing a smile with David as they leaned over the loud speaker in the front of the sheriff station's sedan. They had been summoned by the Mayor when Miss Waters of the Walrus Corporation had appeared without an appointment at Regina's office. One panicked phone call from the reformed Evil Queen had had them scrambling to get to the town hall before the outsider could leave and risk bumping into someone or something they really didn't want the outside world to bump into.

"You have no idea. Just make sure she leaves town and don't be fooled by her appearance, there's definitely more to that woman than meets the eye." Regina replied with a heavy dose of her usual snark. She hung up before Emma could ask her what she meant.

"Heads up, that must be her." David said, pointing to the doors of the town hall as a small figure emerged.

"Huh." Was all Emma could come up with to say. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting but a tiny but immaculately dressed blind woman wasn't it. The woman's eyes were fixed straight ahead at the middle distance while a long white cane tapped the ground in front of her, even as she spoke into a small cell in her other hand. She looked completely at ease as she navigated the path towards the road, keeping to the edge of the grass, her heels clicking sharply against the concrete.

"Swan!" Emma was distracted by Hook jogging across the street towards them. She heard David give a huff and spared him an irritated glance before turning back to wave her boyfriend off. She'd see him after they'd made sure the visitor had left, but was surprised to see him slow down, a frown appearing on his face as he got nearer. She glanced around herself to check nothing was wrong before realising he wasn't looking at her. Killian had come to a stop at the pavement now, his attention solely on the woman from Walrus as she walked towards him. She slowed down as she came close to him and turned her face half towards him, as if she could smell him. Emma felt her spidey senses tingling and giving David a shove she scrambled to get out of the sedan.

Killian had gone still, the muscles in his shoulders tense and Emma saw his right hand jerk towards his hip, where he no longer wore his sword. Waters raised a finger and wagged it at him.

"I know you." She said, a big smile on her face. Before anyone could respond she dropped her cane and phone, reached into her coat and pulled out a long knife, thrusting it straight at Killian.

"Stop!" Emma heard herself yell her gun already in her hand. But Hook had been ready, stepping back and to the side, the knife slipped past his chest hitting nothing but air, but Ms Waters was already turning, another knife appearing in her other hand and Emma saw it slice through the side of Killian's jacket narrowly missing him. Waters slashes were wide but lightening fast, the blades were sharp and what she lacked in aim she made up for with sheer violence. Emma brought her gun up and aimed for Waters' heart but Killian was also moving and slammed his elbow down hard on the woman's shoulder causing her to drop one of the knives as she staggered.

"Drop the weapon!" David's voice commanded next to her as he too aimed his gun at the pair. But they were both too involved in the fight to listen. Waters was already surging back up towards Hook, targeting the sound of his harsh breathing. They were too close to each other, if Emma shot now would the bullet hit both of them? If they moved suddenly would she hit Killian? There was a flash and Hook grunted, just bringing his namesake up in time. The knife lodged into the leather brace and he used his free arm to grab the woman's wrist as she leaned her weight into him, the point of the knife edging towards his face. Emma broke into a run desperate to reach them and pull the lunatic woman off him, but was brought to a stop again when Killian laughed, his eyes fixed on Waters' face.

"I know who you are!" He declared as if she were feet away as apposed to inches. "You are a pirate and your name is Blind Pew." The woman jerked back wrenching the knife from his brace.

There was a muffled sound like ice cracking and the glamour spell literally crumbled to the ground around her. Replacing the smart business woman's attire was an ill fitting leather hunting jacket over a man's shirt with dirty leather trousers beneath. Weirdly the hood of the jacket was pulled over her face covering her eyes and nose. "That was rude." She said.

"Sorry Mi'lady." Hook replied giving a stunted bow. His eyes never leaving her. "But it does serve you right for using stolen glamour spells. They always fall when faced with the hard truth."

"You want to talk about things being hard?" She asked leaning back towards him. Emma immediately stepped forward thrusting the gun in her face.

"Back off and drop the knife. I am holding a gun at your face by the way." She commanded moving to stand between them. Waters or Pew or whatever her name was sighed and let the knife fall from her fingers to the ground where David kicked it away.

"Don't touch her mate." Killian said sharply. "She's a damn curse and you don't want to get the black spot." David frowned, not knowing what that was but not liking the sound of it, and stepped back also bringing his gun up.

"Again rude." Pew said. "You used to be such a gentleman Captain Jones." Emma glanced at Hook, she'd never heard him referred to by that name. Of course she knew he hadn't always had the hook, but Captain Jones sounded so...legitimate.

"Are you alright?" She asked, eyes running over him looking for injuries.

"Fine Love." He replied giving her a warm smile at her concern. "The brace took most of the damage." He gave his arm a small shake and the hook swung loosely as if about to fall off. But despite his flippancy Emma saw the drops of blood that slipped out of the tear in the leather. She was stopped from telling him off for trying to be macho by Regina striding out of the town hall.

"What the hell is going on?" She demanded.

"I'm afraid our negotiations may have to be put on hold Madam Mayor." Pew replied with a smile that was all teeth and no sincerity.

"Wait. Ms Waters? Is that you? Well I don't blame you for hiding yourself if this is what you really look like." Regina replied, looking down her nose at the pirate's dirty clothes.

"More rudeness." Pew moaned. "And we were going to offer you so much extra income to dig at the town line."

"You're the one who's digging at the town line?" Hook laughed. "Oh Pew, don't tell me. You're looking for treasure."

"Treasure? Really?" Emma asked. Honestly just when she thought she had a handle on things some new ridiculous story got started.

"You know the Captain." Pew shrugged in answer. Emma felt Killian go still next to her.

"Your Captain is dead." Killian replied his voice becoming harsh and challenging. "You and your crew mutinied and killed him." He spat out the word mutiny like a curse word.

"Can you really call it mutiny if it's in self defence?" Pew asked.

"You tied him to a cannon and sank him to the bottom of the ocean." Hook replied flatly.

"Yeah." Pew said, a sad smile on her face. "What were we thinking? Like that would ever have worked."

"So the stories are true then?" Killian asked, his voice dropping. Pew just shrugged again.

Emma, all too aware of the blood dripping from his arm to the pavement, motioned with her gun toward the sedan. "Ok, that's enough catching up, let's all go back to station."

"Erm no. Sorry. I have to report back to the Captain. We don't want him getting upset." Pew said stepping back from them. David and Emma retrained their gun's on her. But Pew didn't acknowledge their movement. "You don't know what he'll do." She continued. A hand came up and lifted the hood showing them the mess of scars crisscrossing her face and centering around the two distorted orbs where her eyes should have been. Before any of them had time to process the sight a grey fog swirled around Pew and she disappeared.

"Up until that bit at the end when we found out the undead pirate was in Storybrooke, I really rather enjoyed that." Killian said, breaking the silence. If he hadn't already been injured Emma would have thumped him.

...

"Ok who are these people?" David demanded just as Emma was finishing bandaging Killian's arm. She threw him a glare as Hook quickly shoved his braceless arm behind his back out of view. David had the good grace to look ashamed for bursting into her office without warning and stepped back.

"Captain Flint and the crew of the Walrus." Killian replied awkwardly shrugging on his coat while still keeping his left arm hidden. Emma tried to straighten his shirt sleeve first but he shook his head and finished shoving his stump into the jacket's arm. She made a point of catching his eye and holding it, wordlessly telling him he was being an idiot without embarrassing him further in front of her father. He flashed her a fake smile, before striding out into the main office where everyone was waiting. His shirt clearly bunched up around his upper arm under the coat sleeve. Idiot.

Although he seemed at one with the hook, it'd become his name after all, Emma knew the arm underneath was a different story. After everything with Gold, of course they'd had a long uncomfortable conversation about his hand, his lack of a hand, the stump, the circumstances, the scars, the brace, the frankly terrible job a ship's doctor had done with it back in the Enchanted Forest. Even then he'd been skittish, unhappy for her to see it, let alone touch it. But you can't have a serious grown up relationship with a person and not know every part of them. Slowly she'd proved to him that she really didn't find it horrid. That she thought more of him because of it, not less. Her prevailing memories of their first date and loving embraces rarely focused on how many hands he had. Although some of those embraces... Shaking that inappropriate thought away for the time being. She cleaned up the medical supplies and joined the others. Girlfriend mode off, saviour mode on.

...

"There you are, you are just determined to keep us waiting today." Regina complained as soon as Emma joined the little group in the main room. Her mother and Henry having appeared after her father had called to check in. Emma just rolled her eyes refusing to rise to the bait.

"Go head Hook." David said, still looking apologetic while motioning for him to start. Killian took deep breath.

"Keep in mind this happened something like fifty years ago, and most while I was still in Neverland, so I only know what stories I have heard. I may not have all the particulars."

"Yes yes disclaimer acknowledged. Just get on with it." Regina snapped.

"Many believe he was named by reputation, cold, hard and unforgiving, but unlike myself, Captain Flint was actually his real name, although he may well have been born with a heart of stone. The only thing that man thought about, let alone cherished, was treasure."

"Treasure? Like gold and jewels?" Snow asked.

"Aye, gold, jewels, fine silks, rich artefacts, if it was beautiful and prized above all else, he had to possess it."

"So he thinks we have treasure in Storybrooke? Can't you just magic him a pile of gold?" David said turning to Regina.

"Oh yes. Let's _magic_ an infinite supply of riches from thin air. That'll convince him to leave." Regina replied, her voice dripping with her usual sarcasm. David mumbled something about not using magic right in front the pirates. But Emma cut in before their sniping could escalate.

"You're talking in the past tense." She said to Killian.

"Yes." Killian agreed, leveling his eyes at them all. "So the story goes, that Flint amassed such a hoard of treasure he could no longer keep it safely within his own ship and fortunately for him he happened upon an island. A tiny spit of land far from any others, not found on any map and so far out in the open sea a man could only find it if they already knew where it was."

"Hey, I've heard that before." Henry said excitedly before being shushed by Emma and Regina.

"So Flint and his crew carted load after load of treasure onto the island until it was all hidden away. Safe and sound. On the return trip the crew was restless, you don't join a pirate crew for the health benefits, how were they supposed to get their share of the loot if it was all buried underground?" Killian continued.

"Because they weren't getting any." Emma said with a sigh. The story _was_ familiar, of course it was, this was Storybrooke.

"In the dead of night, the wind dropped and the ship was left floating on an ocean as still as polished glass. Most of the crew was asleep in their bunks, the only sound their slumbering breaths and soft chime of the watch bell on the hour, when one crewman was roused by a strange sound. A sharp snick followed by quiet dripping of something hitting the boards."

"What was it?" Regina asked, thoroughly enthralled by the story now and missing the amused glance that passed between Emma and Snow.

"The crewman raised his head and saw his Captain creeping amongst the bunks slitting the throats of his own crew as they slept." Snow and Regina immediately turned alarmed to see if Henry was traumatised by the image but he was happily focused Killian and the story he was telling.

"Dead men tell no tales." the teenager said.

"Exactly lad, and they also get no share of the loot. Then as I said earlier, the crew now aware their captain planed to slay them all before they could return to the island, turned against him and sank him down to the locker."

"Except he's here in Storybrooke." Emma said, rubbing her face with her hands and wondering how much of the story to believe.

"So says Pew." Killian replied.

"She's not trust worthy?" Snow asked.

"She really isn't. But that isn't the end of the story." He said.

"Of course it's not. Do continue." Emma sighed.

"It's said that on his way down to the deep, Flint's rage was so immense that he disturbed the spirit of the ocean. The spirit who is naturally as capricious as the ocean itself and found the situation amusing and gave Flint the means to leave his watery grave and retrieve his treasure. Hense undead pirate. Though I've never seen evidence of him actually existing before."

"So why is he in Storybrooke? We're not a tiny island in the middle of the ocean." David asked.

"Are you not listening to me? I said at the beginning no one can find it unless they already know where it is. How do you know where something is before you look for it?"

"You look on a map." Emma said, everything clicking together. "One of his crew took the only map to the island and now he's looking for them and the treasure."

"Aye. Did you work out that out Swan? Because you're stealing my thunder a little."

"It's a famous story in this realm, except it's just the crew looking for the map and the island, Flint is dead, as in dead dead."

"Well then let's hope for once the stories of this realm have it all correct. If not I suggest we offer Flint something more valuable than mere gold. A way to find his treasure without a map. A magic compass."

"Compass?" Emma asked confused at the sudden suggestion.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten how we first met?" Killian asked leaning into her personal space with a raised eyebrow.

"Which time?" She asked cheekily and was rewarded with a matching smile on Killian's face. Maybe it could be that simple. Just give the violent undead pirate a magical compass and convince him he'd be better off treasure hunting in another realm. Did she say simple? "Come on then Captain, lets go find an enchanted compass."

...

 **Author's note:** There you have it. I hope Once is saving Treasure Island for future seasons. I know it's not really a fairy tale and Disney set it in space, but you can never have too many pirates and the parental figure issues would fit right in! Blind Pew is one of the only really villainous characters in it and my favourite, so I had to use him (her) here. Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review and let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4: Blackbeard's Ghost

**Author's Note and additional disclaimer:** There's little to no chance this'll happen on the show, but if it did Once would reach new heights in my esteem. _Blackbeard's Ghost_ is a live action Disney movie from 1968, that I remember watching as a child and thinking was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. It appeared recently on my Sky box and a fit of nostalgia produced this story. It's slightly cannon divergent set during Best Laid Plans 4x17. I hope you enjoy.

...

Blackbeard's Ghost

His boots may be different but the sound of the boards underfoot was just the same. Killian Jones stood in the captain's cabin on the Jolly Roger, his cabin once again and soaked in the all the familiar sensations, the creak of the hull, the smell of the salt sea, that wonderful sway of the waves.

 _You don't have a home until you just miss it._

Well he'd missed it. He'd felt the loss the instant he'd turned his back on the Jolly Roger, like a permanent tether had been cut from his being, but he'd never allowed himself to wish for her back, scared he would lose what he had gained for his sacrifice.

That mattered not anymore because providence had shown him the opportunity and he had grabbed it with both hands, to great success. Despite his lingering worries about the future and the darkness that still whispered within, he had succeeded today. He had regained his ship and the vital information from Ursula and he had righted one of his past wrongs.

Speaking of terrible wrongs, what the hell was that? Killian stared at the painting that had been attached to the wall in his absence. A portrait of a statuesque woman that seemed to do all it could to hide any true beauty the lady may have had. He'd have to remove all trace of Blackbeard from his ship before he could fully relax and this eyesore was the perfect place to start.

Hook grabbed the painting more violently than was necessary and felt a rush of childish pleasure as it slipped from his fingers and cracked against the ground. The frame split along its length and as he bent to collect it he noticed something poking out the splintered wood. It turned out to be a piece of parchment, old and discoloured, he could just make out short words written across it.

"Kree, Kruh, Vergo, Gaba, Kalto, Kree?" He read out loud. "Huh, gibberish."

"You wish that were true."

Killian spun around to the source of the coarse voice, his hand dropping the paper and snatching the pistol from the table next to him, bringing it up in one movement.

"Blackbeard," he spat, at the man lounging on the captain's bunk. "Where the devil did you spring from?" Blackbeard gave an aggravated sigh.

"I've been here all along. Trapped in limbo. You have no idea how awful it is to be insubstantial, invisible, ignored by all. But now you're the one to invoke me, maybe I was better off before.

"Invisible? You're perfectly visible."

"You read the spell. You invoked me."

"Spell?"

"That queen Elsa. That the fates should decide you're the first pirate she meets. I don't know what kind of impression your soft heart left on her but she was highly judgmental of my actions against her sister, as if it wasn't what any true pirate would have done."

"What are you blathering about? Get the hell off my ship."

"Your ship? I believe you traded her to me. Fairly. Did you not get what you wanted for it?"

"You had her less than a year and she was shrunk to an ornament in a bloody bottle. You never deserved her. Consider this my taking her back. Violently if necessary."

He brought the pistol back up to the other pirate's face. Instead of flinching Blackbeard just laughed his deep aggravating laugh, setting Hook's nerves of edge and making him grind his teeth. Seeing his reaction made the other man laugh harder and he dropped back to lie on the bed. Hook, furious at being ignored, tossed down the pistol and went to drag Blackbeard bodily off the bunk and off his ship. But his hand and hook swiped through the man like he wasn't there.

"What in blazes?"

...

Emma jogged up the gangplank scanning the docks and Jolly Roger for any sign of what had worried Hook so much. Her pirate should have been enjoying some alone time with his newly returned ship, she hadn't been expecting him to call her, clearly upset about something and request she join him as soon as she could.

She knew she should have checked him out more carefully after whatever Ursula had tried to do to him, but he'd distracted her. He was far too good at doing that, she'd have to watch out for it in the future. What had the sea witch said? Shark bait? And he'd looked damp when he'd turned up at the cabin. Did he get drowned again? What were you supposed to look out for after someone drowned? She really should know this by now.

"Stay here a second Henry, while I check on him." She told her son, who obediently settled on a barrel on the deck to wait, before descending into the dimly lit captain's cabin, where she found her pirate captain. Hook looked fine, a bit rumpled still but otherwise fine, he was standing in the centre of his cabin staring at the bunk.

"Hook, what's the emergency?" She asked her eyes searching the cabin.

"Blackbeard." He said, gesturing sharply at the bunk, where the damn man was snoring abominably. The insubstantial pirate had become morose after his mirth at Hook's anger had faded and he'd sat and rapidly drunk his way through an entire bottle of rum, Killian unable to act to prevent him, and was now passed out clutching the empty bottle to his chest.

Emma smiled as if he'd said something sweet. Did she look relieved? Why wasn't she as appalled as him?

"Hook I know I didn't get a chance to say it before, after...everything." She blushed thinking about his confessions to her and her reactions to them. "But I'm really happy the Jolly Roger is back. That you have her back." He blinked at her, what was she talking about? "I know it must be weird knowing Blackbeard was in here."

"He's here right now!" Killian exclaimed gesturing at the bed again. Emma sighed.

"I know, I know. What did he do? Replace all your things?" Hook watched as she leaned around him and her eyes scanned the cabin searching for any obvious changes, barely lingering on the bunk where the large man was sprawled out. With a sinking feeling he realised she couldn't see or hear the damned man. What had the bastard said about a spell and Elsa?

"Look, Henry's on deck I was taking him to Granny's for dinner when you called. How about you come with us and then afterwards I'll come back with you and help... set things to rights?" She was smiling teasingly at him as she attempted to copy his speech and if a bunch of rearranged nick nacks was the height of his problems he'd have probably found it amusing. Unfortunately he had a much bigger issue to deal with, but he held his tongue. His Swan looked tired, today's small victory coming after a long day or series of days of anxiety and now there was this wooden man-child and Gold's plans to turn her dark to deal with. He couldn't bring himself to add more trouble onto the heap. Henry's concerned face appeared at the hatch.

"Mom? Is he OK?" He called down.

"Aye lad, all's well. Apologies for any concern caused." He called out. He turned back to Emma. "You take him and spend some time together love. I'll catch up with you tomorrow. "

"You sure?" She asked.

"Aye love. I'm sorry I bothered you, nothing I can't handle myself."

"If you're sure." She didn't seem completely convinced, but he was sure she'd forgive him when he explained tomorrow, after he got a better idea of what was going on.

She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. The casual nature and familiarity of the gesture not lost on either of them. Despite the loud snorting still emanating from the bunk Killian couldn't keep from returning her smile, only dropping it once the sound of her boots and the lingering scent of her perfume had faded. Heaving a deep sigh he studied the unconscious man. Which one of his past sins had garnered this particular trial?

...

A couple of hours later and Blackbeard's breathing had stopped sounding like a loose sail in a storm and he turned himself into a more comfortable position. Hook took that to mean he had metabolised enough alcohol to wake up. A series of hard kicks to the bunk and bedding had gotten the pirate sat up and looking at him through bleary eyes.

"Up you bilge rat. We're going to go sort this out," Hook barked.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Blackbeard replied.

"I never thought Blackbeard the type to just lie down and give up like some toothless old dog."

"I've done nothing of the sort."

"You are literally crying in bed like a child who's lost its mother."

Blackbeard growled and launched himself at Hook who gave him a bored look as he passed through him to bang heavily into the table.

"How is it I can't touch you but you can drink my rum and throw my cabin into disarray?" Hook asked, frowning as bowls of food clattered to the floor.

"It's my cabin and I don't bloody know. Magic."

"Pissing magic," Hook muttered.

"You don't have to tell me."

...

Hook strode down the main street fuming. Bloody Blackbeard. The last couple of years Killian had found himself working alongside more enemies and previous adversaries than he could have imagined, but the insufferable man may finally be the one that turns him back to the darkness.

The man had complained and whined while throwing around insults and self grandiose statements until Killian had eventually completely lost his temper and walked out without him.

"Where the hell are we going?" The coarse voice asked from behind him. Killian had never wanted to be able punch something so badly in all his long years.

"I thought there was no way you were coming with me?"

"It would appear we're bound together. I'll be sailing alongside of you see? Where soever you goeth, there also will I go."

"What the hell do you mean bound?"

...

"A library?" Blackbeard sneered. Killian was pretty sure his teeth would be ground down to dust if he couldn't get rid of the spirit.

"It may be a shock to a cretin like you, but the purpose of a library is to store information and information is power."

"Information won't save you from the sword."

"Won't it? I remember my superior knowledge of the Jolly Roger defeating you quite aptly." It was Blackbeard's turn to clench his jaw.

"A cowardly underhand trick," He said.

"Pirate." Killian replied flatly.

"Killian? Who are you talking to?" Blackbeard cursed as Belle's voice from the library's doorway took him by surprise.

"Ah, Belle, apologies for bothering you so late, but that's actually why I'm here." Hook's voice softened taking on the cultured tones that revealed his history as an officer.

"Of course another wench. You have become sadly predictable in your pathetic state these days." Blackbeard said with a roll of his eyes.

"Shove off if you don't want her help then." Hook snapped.

"And leave the one person who can actually acknowledge my existence?" He'd meant it as sarcasm but Hook was giving him a contemplative look that made him wish he'd kept his mouth shut. "It's far too much fun pissing you off." He continued, trying to cover up the vulnerability he'd accidently revealed.

"Killian?" Belle said again, reminding both pirates of her presence.

"Apologies, let's take this inside, I fear we may take a while." Killian said holding the library door open for her.

...

"How did this spell go?" The admittedly pretty young woman asked. Blackbeard was surprised at how quickly she'd accepted Hook's story, it was a bizarre one, even taking magic into account, maybe the poor excuse for a pirate had gained some level of trust and influence in this strange town?

"Kree, Kroo, vargo...Gaba...I don't bloody know, they were gibberish words I read absently off a bit of paper." Hook grumbled.

"So, did you bring the paper?" Belle asked patiently.

"The damn thing disappeared." Hook had spent his time waiting for Blackbeard to sleep off his binge searching the cabin for the cursed paper. Belle sighed.

"Mmm, that actually doesn't surprise me. Rumple often enchanted the spells he gave away to disappear once they were used. Controlled their use and encouraged return business."

"You bought that damn spell off Rumplestiltskin?" Killian asked Blackbeard in disbelief.

"I have never had dealings with the Dark One. I learned from your mistakes." Blackbeard replied with a sneer.

Belle tried to explain she was just giving an example, but Killian seemed to have got caught up in trading insults with his invisible friend. She laughed quietly to herself at the sight, and turned to the painting Killian had set down on the reception counter when they'd come in.

The artist must have been trying to express more than just an image of the woman. The background was dreary and overcast, like an impending storm was about to break. The woman herself looked gaunt and pale, but was somehow beautiful at the same time. Although her features were calm and delicate, her eyes were large and piercing, as if she was just about to take deep breath and scream. Threat, that was the message. She wore a strange pendant around her neck that rang bells in her mind. She scurried to the relevant section of library.

"Aldetha." She said triumphantly, the men both stopped arguing to look at the book she held open. An image of the same pendant as the one in the painting was sketched onto the page with some notations around it.

"Aldetha," Blackbeard wailed, the look on his face suggested that this answered a lot of questions. His eyes swung to the painting as if he'd not noticed Hook carrying it earlier. Marching over he drew his dagger and shook it at her as if she really with them.

Belle watched as Killian turned away from the book to listen to the empty air next to the wall, his eyes then tracking over to the painting on the counter.

"Your wife!" He said suddenly, before laughing maliciously.

"What is he saying?" Belle asked determined to be kept in the loop. Between guffaws Killian managed to explain that Blackbeard had been married a number of times, but his last wife Aldetha had been a powerful witch. Her magic had rivaled Regina's, who had become concerned Blackbeard's wife might actually be able to act against her and despite warnings from his shipmates, Blackbeard had accepted a cache of gold in return for betraying her to the Evil Queen, who then burned her alive. Killian didn't seem to find the end of the story quite as funny as the start.

As they went back to sniping at each other Belle read the book she'd found. It was a collection of stories about famous magic users in the Enchanted Forest. "There's a passage here about Aldetha's death," she called out, getting Hook's attention.

"Go on then love, let's have it." He said encouragingly.

"Fourteenth day ...storms...," Belle mumbled as she scanned the page. "Oh here, as the flames crept higher and higher Aldetha screeched her dying words. Edward Teach sometimes known as Captain Blackbeard, should you ever be imprisoned may your body and soul be racked between this world and the next, always to be alone. May this curse hold fast and true. May you dwell forever more in limbo or until such time as be found in you, some spark of human goodness."

"Good for her. So, when Elsa cursed the Jolly Roger into the bottle and imprisoned you with it, Aldetha's curse kicked in. That ruddy serves you right." Killian said. Belle jumped when half a bookshelf suddenly dumped onto the floor. "Oi, you git!" Killian shouted. "Belle here is helping us, don't go trashing her library just because you valued money more than your crazy witch of a wife."

The door to the library swung open before slamming shut, the glass rattling. Killian made to follow before hesitating and giving Belle an apologetic look.

"Don't worry. Go after him before he causes real trouble," she said as he disappeared out the door. She looked around the mess her library was in. Well she'd deal with it tomorrow, right now she had a witch and a spell to look up.

...

Hook heard the breaking glass before he saw Blackbeard. He'd only lost track of the ghostly man for mere moments but the trail of destruction he had created would rival a hurricane. Every nearby mailbox, bench and shop front had been used to vent his frustration and fury.

"How is destroying a cobbler's window going to impress your dead wife then?" He asked, standing back as Blackbeard swung his sword about, throwing the shoe display into the street.

"That woman. Oh Aldetha, to do that to your legal spoke husband." Blackbeard moaned.

"You know what they say Blackbeard, happy wife, happy life." The other captain didn't reply, sitting down heavily and slipping back into the miserable slump he'd fallen into on the Jolly Roger. "Oh no you don't," Killian said, climbing into the window display and crouching down in front of Blackbeard. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. So you're cursed, who hasn't been cursed in this damn town." He paused, not quite believing he what he was about to say. "But the other sure thing about this place is that the curses are always broken, so... don't lose hope."

"Hook! What are you doing?" A familiar voice shouted. Killian groaned.

"Swan," he said, with an exhausted sigh. Of course she would turn up.

"Wait this is _her_ isn't it?" Blackbeard asked, noticing Emma. "The one you traded the Jolly Roger for. She is a treasure, I can almost understand it now."

"Shut up." Killian growled.

"Who are you talking to?" Emma asked frowning as Killian spoke to thin air.

"Blackbeard." He said sighing again and jumping back down onto the street to join her.

"Blackbeard. The pirate?" Emma replied, not sure she'd understood him.

"She's heard of me." Blackbeard said puffing up proudly.

"Yes, his ghost or spirit or some such nonsense has been trapped on the Jolly Roger. I accidentally said a spell that allows me to be the only one to see or hear him." Killian explained, ignoring the way Blackbeard had climbed out of the window and was now studying Emma.

"You what? Is this what you rang me about before?" She asked.

"I hadn't quite worked out all the particulars at that point. I don't think I have them all now to be frank." Hook admitted.

"Don't kowtow to her mate," Blackbeard said. "She looks like the type who enjoys a bit of fight." He took a step closer to Emma licking his lips and leaning his filthy leering face close to hers.

"Just step back a second Swan." Killian said politely, before using a broken piece of bench to smash the side of Blackbeard's head. The larger man crashed to the ground groaning and clutching his head.

"What?" Emma gasped.

"Ha it worked. Don't worry love. He's not out, so he can get himself back up. Shall we head to Granny's?" He stepped over Blackbeard and took Emma's arm as she spluttered.

...

Blackbeard had to admit this realm knew how to eat and drink, every sweet delight he discovered in the glass cabinet was better than the last and the sheer array of different liquors on display behind the bar was enough to keep him busy for a week.

Granny watched with frank displeasure as her desserts floated out of the display, lost one bite and then joined the other ruined dishes on the diner's counter. When the alcohol bottles started moving she got up and smacked Hook across the back.

"I am recording every single thing he eats and you will pay for it all," she said.

"Why the blazes should I?" Hook asked, outraged.

"You brought him here. You're a pirate, he's a pirate. You are responsible for him," she said, crossing her arms.

"So you're responsible for every stray dog that fouls the town, are you?" He replied.

"Okay, Okay. Don't start you two. Granny we'll sort something out." Emma cut in.

"He's a bigger problem than some half eaten food." Regina said, throwing the floating bottles a glare. Since Emma now knew about the ghost pirate problem she had of course called a meeting of her extended family to discuss what to do about it. Regina, Henry and the Charmings had all collected in the diner as Granny was locking up behind her last regulars. "But thankfully for once there's a simple solution. Pandora's box." She continued. "One quick incantation and he's locked away."

"For how long?" Killian asked.

"I don't know, does it matter?" Regina asked in reply.

"I am not a fan of the man but he just left one purgatory, it makes me ill at ease to confine him within another." Killian said, thinking of the comments Blackbeard had made about his existence before Hook had read the spell. Blackbeard himself was surprised to hear Hook defend him. The idiot really had gone soft.

"Have you seen the mess he made of Main Street? I won't have an invisible indestructible pirate roaming Storybrooke." Regina replied bluntly.

"Give it up mate. Royals will never trust having a pirate around," Blackbeard said. Killian frowned, but didn't correct him.

"That's not true." Belle said from the door. "They trust Killian and he's been a pirate longer than any of us have been alive." Everyone stared at her.

"Did you hear what he said?" Killian asked the librarian.

"I found this after you left." She held up a thin brown book, _Aldetha Teach Her Book of Spells and Conjurations_ , was written in script on the cover. "Your wife really had a lovely job done on the binding," she said to Blackbeard.

"The spell Killian read is in there?" Henry asked, sitting up in excitement.

"A spell to bring to your eyes and ears one who is bound in limbo. Repeat after me," Belle said. "Kree, Kruh, Vergo, Gaba, Kalto, Kree." Everyone repeated each word as she recited them and looked about the diner.

"So where is-" Charming started, before Blackbeard jumped out from behind the counter shouting like a madman and laughing hysterically as everyone jumped.

"Yeah, that's going to change their minds about keeping you." Hook snarled.

"I'm not a bloody pet." Blackbeard replied, going back to raiding the shelf of alcohol.

"No but you could be a weapon." Emma said.

"Pardon, mi'lady?" Blackbeard looked over his shoulder at her.

"You heard me and you heard Regina. Indestructible and invisible."

"I may be invisible but your neutered pirate proved I can be hit."

"You look perfectly fine to me. Are you actually injured?" She asked. Blackbeard rolled his shoulders and tested his muscles as if he hadn't thought about it until now. He gave her a shrug, though she could see the lack of injury perturbed him.

"So, only we can see and hear you, no living person can touch you, although you can move objects and even if you get hit by something you don't get permanently hurt," she summed up. "You sound like a useful weapon to me. One which could be used to protect the town."

"Hang on Emma. What exactly are you suggesting?" David asked.

"He can patrol the town, Gold and his two remaining queens are still around, as well as whatever else might turn up to attack us, he'd be able to fight them without them even knowing he was there," she said.

"You want me to be a glorified guard dog?" Blackbeard scoffed.

"We could refer to you as royal guard if you'd prefer." Snow said helpfully.

"I would not. I have some pride in myself. Unlike others who might call themselves pirate." He shared a venomous glare with Hook.

"I thought a lot of pirates secretly worked for royalty, getting paid for spying and attacking enemy nation ships?" Henry asked. Emma looked up interested to see both pirate captains looking embarrassed.

"You want a chance to break your curse mate. This might be a good path to that. And you'd be sanctioned to cause as much mayhem and violence as you want, as long as it's against enemies of the town," Killian said.

"I didn't say that." Emma corrected. "But we get more than our fair share of battles here in Storybrooke. Having the infamous Captain Blackbeard on our side can only lead to success." Killian knew she was just buttering Blackbeard up to get him to agree, but his blood boiled at her flattery all the same. Emma winked at him, damn that woman knew him too well. "And if you so much as make a baby cry within Storybrooke we'll trap you in that box and forget you ever existed." She finished.

"A royal commission eh?" Blackbeard said, rubbing his chin as if he was thinking it over.

"Yes." Emma said patiently.

"How much will it pay?"

"Bloody hell you're a ghost. What do you need money for?" Killian asked, exasperated.

"Two hundred dollars a week," Emma said quickly, picking a number that sounded vaguely reasonable.

"Dollars?" Blackbeard frowned.

"It's the currency in this realm mate." Killian said, nodding to the priced menu on the wall. Blackbeard studied it for a moment.

"Five hundred." He announced.

"Two fifty." Emma said.

"Four hundred."

"Two seventy five."

"Three fifty"

"Two seventy five."

"Arg, devil take you. Three hundred at least." Blackbeard said. Emma smiled and nodded.

"Spark of human goodness huh?" Hook asked sardonically. Blackbeard laughed starting to feel like himself again. He spread his arms and puffed out his chest, before giving a perfect bow.

"Then, your Majesties, your Highnesses we have an accord," he said, sticking out his hand and miming shaking Emma's.

"Well haven't things worked out nicely for you." Killian said.

"Aye that they have shipmate."

"Shipmate? Oh no, you're not bloody staying on the Jolly Roger."

"How are you going to stop me?"

"Emma love, deal's off, get the damn box." Blackbeard laughed all the way back to the docks.

...

 **Author's Note:** So what did happen to Blackbeard when Elsa cursed the Jolly? Blackbeard's only real character feature was arrogance in the show, so I added in some of the drunkard Blackbeard from the movie and stole some of his lines. (The curse is almost word for word too). Hope it worked together. Please review and let me know what you think, your words fuel mine :-) thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5: A Gift

**Author's Note:** Thank you to everyone who's supported this collection of stories. It is so appreciated, I can't tell you. This is just a little fluff to remind us what a nice guy Hook can be, before Sunday when I'm sure we'll be brokenhearted and maybe a little turned on. Bit further back than the others in this collection, set immediately after 3x22.

…..

"Emma why don't you show me that thing now?" Snow asked.

"What?"

"You know, the thing." Snow gave her a shove towards the stairs to her room and gave a not so subtle head nod at Hook who was leaning on the kitchen island in the centre of the loft. How did he manage to look so at home next to the toaster and mug tree while wearing his huge black coat and leathers?

Emma frowned at both of them and Hook gave her an amused eyebrow that Snow chose to ignore as she forced her daughter up the stairs to her room. "Don't worry about Neal Hook, it takes an earthquake to wake him when he's this tired. Thank you for helping us carry the gifts back home by the way, where's Prince Charming when you need him eh?" Snow said over her shoulder with too much forced pleasantness.

"Mom, what-" Emma started as they reached the top.

"I saw you kissing Hook outside the party," Snow whispered harshly. Emma felt an intense mix of embarrassment, annoyance, and panic as her mother gave her a stern look.

"Yeah?" She asked unhelpfully.

"I do get it you know," Snow sighed. "He's….hot and dangerous and-"

"Oh god stop!" Emma hissed, feeling mortified. "It's fine, you don't need to worry, it was just a kiss."

"Where have I heard that before?" Snow replied. "And you know he isn't going to be happy with just a kiss. Emma, he traveled across realms for you."

"That's not all he's done," Emma said quietly and immediately regretted it as she saw her mother's mind jump to some awful conclusion. "Look, I know, it's...it's...actually I don't know what it is. I'd have never made it back from the past without him and no, it's not just gratitude it's….I don't know! I _just_ kissed him. I haven't thought about it myself yet. I am not ready to talk about it with my mother!" Snow seemed to accept that for now, although she was obviously biting her lip to keep from saying more. Emma was about to leave to go back downstairs when a soft voice floated up to them from the lower level.

"My apologies for not doing this at your presentation ceremony but I was distracted by your obstinate sister." Snow gripped Emma's arm her eyes going wide in amazement. Hook was talking to the still fast asleep Neal. They both crept to the balcony of Emma's room and peered over the edge. Hook had crouched down beside the Moses basket Neal was slumbering in and was looking down at the little prince. "I hope you aren't offended by the lack of a proper material gift," he continued. "You're not a child of this realm already are you? This is how we did things in the old world. At least your parents should appreciate it."

He reached into the deep pocket of his coat and pulled out a large pebble. It was smooth and fit perfectly into the palm of his hand. It had a cloudy pale colour and even from the upper level Emma could see it shine as if polished.

"This is a stone worn smooth on the shores of Neverland," he explained as he tucked the stone into the weave of the basket where Neal couldn't get to it. "My gift to you young prince, is Neverland. The true Neverland. The Neverland as it was hundreds of years ago, before Pan laid claim to it. A land where a young boy can literally take flight, where stardust fell from the heavens and mermaids sang in lagoons, where the sun shone bright on glittering beaches and the jungle is thick with adventure. May your slumbers take you there and may your dreams come true, to be filled with only light and laughter."

Emma glanced at Snow and saw her mother's eyes were shiny with tears. Emma gave her pirate a long thoughtful look. So that handsy guy in the past was the villainous Captain Hook? Then who was this? Wait did she just think of him as _her pirate?_

Snow suddenly appeared next to Hook and he stood quickly and backed away from Neal trying to look as nonthreatening as possible. Emma glanced around herself in surprise, she hadn't even heard her mother move from her side. She quickly made her way to join them downstairs and when she did she was greeted by the sight of Snow White gripping Captain Hook's hand in both of hers and thanking him with a look of wonderment on her face normally reserved for rainbows and puppies. He looked uncomfortable on the verge of being terrified.

"Come on Hook, I'll walk you back to Granny's and pick up Dad," Emma announced. He looked so grateful she nearly laughed.

As soon as the door closed behind them she leaned into his body, her hands stroking the lapels of his coat.

"If that was all some ploy engineered to win my mother's blessing? Then I commend you Captain on a job well done," she said smiling. Hook tilted his head to the side in surprise.

"You don't know what it does to me to hear you speak in my tongue Swan. Where did you pick that up?"

"Hey, I've watched the odd pirate movie," she replied.

"You've watched the odd pirate doing what?" He asked confused.

"Shut up and kiss me."

"Aye."

….

 **Author's Note:** It was ten hours between season three and four and Snow already knew about Hook and seemed pretty OK with him and Emma being together. I'm just guessing he did something romantic to win her over. A sleeping beauty style gift to Neal was the best I came up with. I hope you enjoyed reading, I'm sure I'll be back to angst after Sunday.


	6. Chapter 6: Crocodile

**Author's Note:** Sorry it's been a while. I find myself watching a lot of Octonauts these days (Not by choice, but it could be worse). There was an episode about saltwater crocodiles and I dutifully looked them up. They are completely terrifying and this little story was born.

This is set at the beginning of 3x20 Kansas and is a sort of canon divergent insert expanding the time Henry had his memory back before the show down with Zelena, just pretend Snow didn't go into labour after Neal's grave. I hope you enjoy.

...

Killian was exiting the side entrance to Granny's Inn when he spied Henry leaving the diner's doorway. He turned on his heel quickly but cursed his need to wear such an obvious flowing coat as he heard the lad call out after him. He should of ignored him and returned to his room but instead his feet held firm and her gave Henry a wide smile as the boy jogged up to him.

"Hello lad, you shouldn't be seen speaking to me," he said as a greeting. Henry's face instantly soured.

"I knew it, you are avoiding me. So, everything you said was lies," he said, his voice cracking slightly betraying his hurt rather than showing the righteous anger he was going for.

"I never told you a lie," Hook replied, fed up of hearing the same accusations from this family. He'd thought the boy at least would think of him with some fondness.

"You said you'd take me sailing again. You said you'd tell me more about my father. But you aren't are you?" Henry demanded. Hook closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I had every intention of doing all that I said I would," he said. "But things are more complicated than that."

"What you mean is you were just using me," Henry said flatly.

"Using you? For what?" Killian asked, honestly confused.

"I'm the teenage son of a single mom. We were together in New York for a year. I know how it goes."

"It? Are you alluding to your mother and I? Because if so-" Henry never got to hear the end of the sentence because his grandmother distracted them both.

She looked like a geisha that had only put on half her makeup. Her skin was literally white, her lips a deep red and her hair was a glossy black normally found on thoroughbred horses. Killian and Henry both shared a startled look before they chased after her.

Hook had admired Snow White's confidence in their previous dealings so it was strange to see her timidly avoid eye contact as she explained she'd just come from the library. Leading her back to the building at the centre of town they were just in time to see Ashley exit the library doors dressed in rags and followed by a trail of small birds and mice.

Both silently deciding to focus on the problem at hand, they let Cinderella leave and dragged Snow through the doors. Belle was stood glaring at a large book resting about three feet from her on a table. Hook examined her carefully and she looked the same as the last time he'd seen her.

"Belle?" he asked. She jumped and spun around.

"Hook, Henry. You found her, thank goodness," she gasped taking Snow by the hand and sitting her down at the table in front of the book. "Touch it again," she commanded.

Hook felt his eyebrow disappear into his hairline at the strange instruction and a glance at Henry showed he was just as confused. Snow White obediently raised a delicate hand and lightly touched the cover of the book. Nothing happened and Belle let out a frustrated puff of air.

"Do you have your talking phone?" Hook whispered to Henry. "I think this is something the rest of your family should be a part of." Thankfully the lad was done arguing with him for now and started pressing buttons on the small device.

"Belle?" Hook tried again as Henry talked rapidly in the background.

"Make sure no one else touches that," Belle replied distractedly, her hands on her hips glaring at the book again. "I need to find a wrap or something." She walked off into her side office her frown fixed in place.

"Mom and Grandpa will be here in a minute," Henry said returning to Hook's shoulder. "You feeling OK Grandma?"

"Of course Henry, it's ever so sweet of you to ask," came the dreamy reply. Henry and Killian shared another confused look.

Hook leaned over the princess and squinted at the book Belle seemed to be blaming this strangeness on. _The Complete Grimm's Fairy Tales_ was written in stylized gold writing across the front. The cover was a vague opalescent off white with gold embossed plants trimming the faces of the cover.

"That's this realm's version of your stories," Henry explained. "Well not your story, you're from a different book."

"Aye, _Peter Pan and Wendy_ , a scandalous fiction," the pirate growled. "I've read it. And I'm not _from_ any book."

"In this realm that's all any of us are...or were, which seems to be the problem," Belle joined in as she came back into the room, a large blue shawl in her hands. She gave the book one last look of disapproval and wrapped it up in the shawl. Hook opened his mouth to demand more information but Emma's voice spoke for him.

"What exactly is going on in here?" She asked before noticing her mother. "Mom? What the hell?"

David and Emma were around Snow in an instant forcing Killian away to make room. She waved her hands pathetically and told them she felt fine and not to worry about her. Charming gently cupped her cheeks and rubbed his thumbs over her face trying to rub off the startling whiteness, all that changed was a pale pink blush as his wife's eyelashes fluttered at the attention.

"Skin pale as snow, lips red as the rose, hair as black as ebony," Belle recited. "She came in to ask me something and touched this." She peeled back the blue shawl to reveal the large compilation of fairy tales. "As soon as she did she changed."

"What like, into the Snow White from the story?" Henry asked. Belle bit her lip and shrugged.

"And she's not the only one, Ashley must have come in while I was trying to find Snow and she changed too."

"We saw her," Henry broke in. "She was just like Cinderella from the beginning of the story. Rags and mice and everything."

"Seriously?" Emma asked. "A cursed book turning everyone into their actual fairy tale identities? Why do you even have this out?"

"It's never done this before," Belle defended. "I swear, yesterday that was just a book like all the others here."

"If it's a curse then we can break it," David said suddenly and kissed Snow full on the lips. She went stiff in surprise but quickly melted into slightly creepy submission. There was an odd sound like crinkling paper and Mary Margaret's skin faded back to normal. As her hair lost its supernatural shine she pushed back taking control of the kiss and wrapping her hands around Charmings' back. Henry gave an uncomfortable cough and his grandparents broke apart sheepishly.

"I'm so glad you didn't wait for the glass coffin this time," Snow said wryly, sharing a warm smile with David. His relief at seeing her back to normal in skin tone and attitude was obvious. His hand fell to her swollen stomach and they shared another smile of relief at the strong responding kick that pushed back. Snow looked over at her daughter and grandson and laughed at their worried faces. Then they were all clinging to each other.

"This is Zelena," Hook stated interrupting the family's moment. "She's attempting to distract us until she can finish her plan." It made sense.

"Right well, thanks for your help Hook but we've got this now," Emma said, schooling her face into a blank expression.

"What? You expect me to just turn and leave?" he blurted in surprise.

"Yes. Now," came the dismissal.

"Worried you'll trip and end up with no magic?" He snapped, even as he berated himself. That was not the way to get back on her good side.

"I'm worried we'll find out you're working with yet another villainous witch behind our backs."

Hook flinched at the accusation and the sharp reminder of his past. Emma barely had the chance to feel guilty as his temper flared at her. Why the bloody hell was he scrabbling for their good graces? Like they would have done any better.

"I told you I wasn't working for her," he said, his voice barely below a shout. She could tell he was working hard to control his frustration but her hurt was too fresh to allow her to appreciate the effort.

"You knew what she was up to and you lied about it. You tried to take Henry away," she shouted back, refusing to back down, despite the small voice at the back of her mind admitting he had been trying to do the right thing in his own way.

"To protect -"

Hook felt a thump in the centre of his chest and looked down in time to see a book fall to the floor at his feet. He looked up accusingly at the group at the table but they looked just as surprised as him.

"Did that just fly off the shelf?" Belle asked, looking at the bookcase on the far wall.

"Bloody hell," he griped. "Even the books in this place want me…." His voice faded as he frowned at the book at his feet. Emma stepped towards him concerned by the look on his face. He toed the book shut revealing the cover.

"Peter Pan and Wendy," Emma read aloud. The group exchanged alarmed looks. "How do you feel?" She asked, expecting him to sprout a wax moustache in front of them.

"Fine," he said, sounding as relieved as she felt. "Whatever magic is causing all this maybe it's not effecting characters who aren't in that book." He nodded at the large gilt volume of fairy tales on the table.

"Hook's more focused on his revenge and not such a coward in the book compared to the movies though," Charming piped up.

"What you saying mate? That you wouldn't notice the difference?" Hook demanded. He knew what kind of man he'd been when he'd arrived in this town but he'd let that person go, let centuries of hate fade to the background. Hadn't he shown the bloody royals he was capable of more than blind vengeance by now?

"Easy, that's not what David means. Is it?" Emma said, throwing her father a look.

The book at Hook's feet suddenly moved. Emma grabbed his arm and yanked him away as the book flinched and hopped into the air before slamming back into the ground. They watched in amazement as the pages flapped and expanded and the cover split and creaked, like a giant origami creature unfolding and refolding itself. The mass of paper grew larger and larger, taking up most of the floor and knocking over chairs and tables as everyone scrambled out of the way, Belle only just managing to grab the tome of fairy tales in its cloth.

Emma's hand became a vice on Killian's arm as the long solid body grew four bent legs and ridges spread from its heavy tail to its huge toothy jaws giving it an unmistakable form.

"Bloody hell!" Killian exclaimed, as the giant crocodile gave an experimental snap of its jaws and blinked its dark eyes at him. The shocked silence allowed them all to hear the loud ticking emanating from the monster's stomach before it gave a roar that shook the bookshelves and lunged with terrifying speed at the pirate.

Hook leapt the checking counter dragging Emma with him and the crocodile slammed into it wrenching it from the floor. David had his gun out and blasted several bullets into its back, tiny puffs of burnt paper flying into the air, but the creature didn't even acknowledge the damage, already righting itself and sniffing the air for its prey.

"You have to leave!" Henry yelled to Hook. "It'll keep coming after you. You always run in the story." They heard Hook cursing and Emma's saying something in a desperate tone of voice before the pirate stood up and gave Henry an odd stern look that Charming didn't understand. With only a slight hesitation he climbed onto the wrecked counter and vaulted over the terrible beast, whose crooked teeth only just missed his coat tails as he landed by the door and disappeared out onto the street. The crocodile didn't waste a moment and smashed through the glass and wood after him, leaving a stunned group of people behind.

"Right," Charming said breaking the silence. "Now we have a giant man eating crocodile on the streets."

"It should only be interested in eating Hook," Snow said mock helpfully although her face gave away her true concern. She rushed over to help Emma from behind the counter, checking her daughter for injuries.

"We need to figure this out now," she said, waving her mother away. "Hook didn't even touch his book, it touched him. Who knows what'll happen next?"

"It gets him at the end of the book," Henry said quietly. "That's what happens, the crocodile eats him." Emma marched up to her son and grabbed his shoulder.

"That's a story," she said firmly. "And that story doesn't even come close to the truth, you know that." Henry gave her an unconvincing nod. "Come on Henry. You're the expert here, Belle's still not read half the books you have, we need you to be our guide, but you can't start believing fiction over the facts." Henry still didn't look convinced, a giant murderous crocodile appearing in front of you can probably shake a person's belief system. "Hey, she tried again. "There was no crocodile in Neverland, just Gold, and Peter Pan was his father, your great grandfather." Henry gaped at her in disbelief, no one had mentioned that fact out loud before.

"Yeah," he agreed. "What's that thing people say about the truth being stranger than fiction?" Emma gave him a smile that was more shaky than the one he was giving her, her son's strength really amazed her sometimes. For all her words, she had to stop herself from stealing a glance at the ruined door to the street. Hook would be fine, she told herself, he doesn't get eaten until the clock stops ticking.

...

They had barely recovered from the surprise crocodile attack when another book flew off the shelves and through the new gaping hole in the library entrance. Emma just about managed to magically fling the broken counter and a table top at the hole while her family and Belle pounced on a rush of escapee novels as they rose up and tried to leave.

Belle's face was heartbreaking as they dumped the entire fiction section in the elevator cage and locked it up tight. The soft thumps of books against the metal door followed them out onto the street.

"That was like something out of Harry Potter!" Henry declared his face flushed with happiness. The adults all groaned pretending they hadn't thought that as well.

"Did anyone see which stories were trying to make a break for it?" Emma asked.

"I'm pretty sure I had Frankenstein at one point," Snow said, eyes widening at her unfortunate turn of phrase and avoiding her husband's eye.

"I got Aesop's Fables so who knows who that was going after," he grumbled.

"I couldn't get a look at mine it kept flapping," Henry said. Emma sighed.

"Well at least they can't get out and affect people now," she sighed. "They can't get out right?"

"No," Belle said looking at her ruined library sadly. Regina had only just mended the clock tower. Her annual budget was going to get decimated. "I hope it's just the library that got affected though and not the whole town."

Emma groaned she hadn't even thought of that.

"It's the library." They all spun to see an exhausted looking Hook walking towards them. "Look there," he pointed to the pavement near the library wall. Crouching down Emma could just make out a faint sparkle.

"How'd you lose the crocodile?" Charming asked, giving Hook a look over for any bite marks.

"Climbed a fire escape and crossed over a few roofs," came the tired reply. "I think the brute got bored of waiting and slunk off somewhere."

"How can you be sure?" Snow asked. Hook tilted his head to the side and pointed at his ear. Everyone listened. "I don't hear anything," she said.

"And pray that we don't," Hook replied. "At least the giant beast comes with a warning system."

Emma had been half listening while trying to concentrate on the spell in front of her. She pushed away the relief she'd felt on seeing the pirate unscathed, held out her hands and focused her new magical senses, just the way Regina had taught her. With a flash the sparkle became a glow that twisted in an intricate ribbon around the library.

"Placement spell, allows you to contain another spell in one place instead of it dissipating." Emma said impressing herself with her own knowledge. She owed Regina a muffin basket.

Closing her eyes she let her magic flow to her fingers above the spell line and feel along it for a weak point. There. Emma quickly yanked her hands back and the magic circling the library tore like paper tissue and faded away. She stood up brushing her hands and grinning at the impressed expressions on everyone's faces.

"Won't that let the spell out?" Belle asked.

"If the Wicked Witch needed this spell to focus it, it can't be strong enough to affect things on its own without fading," Emma said. "I think," she added losing confidence. "I'll just ring Regina."

...

They sat in the lounge area of Granny's trying to crack the key to the curse, books balanced on knees and computer leads trailing across the floor. Since Belle's library had been rendered unusable, Granny had rather graciously allowed them to set up camp at her inn. Snow had caught the old woman's eye as they had asked, she was scared. Maybe self preservation had added into the decision. Everyone knew this realm's tale of Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother and now there was a giant ticking crocodile, how long until a giant talking wolf with big eyes and teeth turned up?

Emma frowned out the window at the curls of black smoke she could see floating up into the sky. Despite Regina's reassurance that Emma had done the correct thing destroying the placement spell, they had of course notified the town of the current curse afflicting them. Especially as they had no idea how many people had been affected before Belle saw Snow change. The town's people had reacted with a full range of actions, some just shrugged, others hid, some ran risking the town line and some had taken every work of fiction they could find and destroyed it. Driving past the burning piles of literature Emma had wondered if Fahrenheit 451 hadn't found a way to creep off the pages and into the world too.

Hook suddenly rose from his seat beside her and strode to the wall, she watched as he turned back and forth with his eyes shut as if arguing with himself. She was about to ask what the matter was when he yelled and drove his hook into Granny's grandfather clock, which had been sitting innocently against the wall.

David shouted as he leapt across the room to stop him but the pirate was attacking the clock in a frenzy and he couldn't get close without risking an injury. Finally nothing but splintered wood and twisted metal remained scattered on the floor and Hook looked up to see a horrified Granny staring at him, having been drawn by the noise.

"My apologies Madam Lucas," he said running his hand through his hair. "The damned ticking was…" He shook his head unable to finish his confession. "I will, of course pay for a replacement."

"I'll add it to your bill," she replied before disappearing back to the dinner. Hook licked his lips and returned to his seat on the sofa next to Emma acting as if nothing extraordinary had happened.

"Hook?" She asked carefully. "Are you OK?"

"Fine love," he said with a thin smile. "Just ready for this to all be over."

"Well I guess this is affecting you more that just the crocodile," David said as he also reclaimed his seat. "The fictional Hook can't stand clocks either, or was that just in the movie?"

"You have a ticking monster follow you around desperate to taste your flesh and see how well you can stand the sound." Hook replied, but the words had no bite and he just sounded tired.

Emma hand was on his before she'd really processed the movement. He looked down surprised and then his eyes met hers and she found herself frozen by the vulnerability she saw. Where was her irritating proud pirate captain? This thing was really taking its toll on him and she found herself trying to think of ways to help him beyond solving the curse. She opened her mouth to offer him a bed at the loft so they could keep watch for the crocodile and let him rest, when he tensed and turned back towards the shattered clock in surprise.

"Damn," he hissed and then she could hear it, soft but getting louder, the steady ticking. She felt a cold stone of dread in her stomach and saw her parents tense as they heard it too. They were suddenly all too understanding of the strain and terror of Hook's situation.

"I'll lead it away to the docks. For a monster made from paper he does love waiting for me in the water." Hook spoke with a resigned tone that had Emma panicking. He read her face just as he always did and caught a strand of her hair between his fingers as he stood. "Don't worry Swan," he said with his first real smile of the day, her hair sliding through his feather light grip. "I shan't fall in and let the beast have me yet." Then he was striding out the back door as they heard the rasp of paper scales against the outside walls.

...

They weren't getting anywhere looking in books, which would have been pretty ironic if any of them had stopped to think about it. Hook had given the crocodile the slip a couple more times but Emma was growing anxious. How long could he avoid a monster whose sole aim was to eat him? Sean's kiss hadn't cured Ashley, a fact that made everyone very uncomfortable, and they were getting odd reports of talking animals in the woods.

So David called a timeout on the research and took Emma and Hook with him to investigate, not even pretending there any reason other than not wanting the pirate to be on his own. Hook actually appeared grateful so Emma sucked up her anger and didn't say anything about it.

They were only in the woods half an hour when the screeches of Storybrooke's other monsters had them running for cover. Zelena must be ramping up to something because Emma had never seen so many monkeys together in one flock. Herd? What was the collective noun for monkeys? Why was she wasting time thinking about that rather than shooting? Then the reason for the swarm came stumbling out from between the trees.

"Henry!" Emma screamed as a monkey swooped down with unwavering aim and then Hook was there, standing tall between the cursed creature and her son, pistol already flaming as the shot ploughed into the monkey and it exploded into sparks. Her relief was short lived however as two more were already diving and flapping at them, driving them away from her and her father.

She heard David shouting and tried to reach them but Zelena must have been working on the monkeys' team working skills because as soon as she avoided one another would take it's place. Her panic built like a physical thing inside her and she suddenly recognised her magic churning in her chest. _Who am I protecting?_ She demanded of herself and a blinding flash lit up the forest.

Blinking spots from her vision she leaned against a tree, someone bumped into her and her fingers grabbed the rough material of her father's jacket.

"Emma, what was that? Have they gone?" he asked, his hand heavy against her arm.

Her vision finally cleared and she saw that they were alone, no monkeys and no Hook and Henry.

...

Hook cursed again as he got caught up in more bushes. One minute he'd been fighting to protect Henry from getting carried off while trying to keep Emma in sight, the next the two of them had found themselves half blinded in some other part of the wood entirely. At least the damned monkeys were nowhere to be seen either. If they hadn't lost any time, judging by the sun's position, they were somewhere a mile south west of where they'd been. He'd been trying to get back but the going was frustratingly slow.

"Maybe you won't get caught as much if you take your coat off?" suggested the boy behind him.

"Bite your tongue, this coat is impenetrable to Dreamshade, it'll defeat whatever poor excuse for thorns this wood might provide," he replied.

"I'm just trying to help," Henry snapped.

"Oh, aye. Just like when you snuck after us into monkey infested woods, despite knowing your Auntie Zelena wants your head on a pike?" Hook returned.

The trees finally parted and Hook got to breath a sigh of relief for a second before realising they were in a small clearing at the base of a high vertical cliff. He took another quick bearing, of course the direction they had to go was straight up.

"It's not fair. I'm always getting hidden away, I'm not just a liability. I can do things," Henry shouted as he entered the clearing behind Hook.

"Life's not fair Henry," Hook replied pointing to the cliff face as a demonstration of his point. "That doesn't give you cause to ignore your mother and ignore danger. They could be seriously hurt because…" He stopped himself from saying anymore but the damage was done.

"Because of me you mean," Henry said his eyes growing glassy. Hook scrubbed his face with his hand. Well done Killian, give him another reason to hate you.

"I'm sure they're fine," he tried.

"I don't need you to do that," Henry snapped again. "Now I have my memories back you don't have to pretend to be nice to me anymore."

"This again? Lad, Zelena's curse is still upon me, I am a danger to you all. Besides, your family, especially your mother, is not best pleased with me and your father…" Hook's exasperation faded with his voice.

"What does Dad have to do with this?" The boy asked.

"What doesn't he have to do with?" Hook sighed.

"What does that mean? Okay fine, be weird, but have you considered you're the only one I can ask about him other than Mom?"

But Hook wasn't listening to Henry anymore, he was listening to the steady ticking that was approaching from the woods. Henry's eyes were wide as he registered the noise and looked between the moving shadows in the trees and the pirate. Hook was marching around the small clearing trying to find a way to escape but the thick underbrush would slow them down and create much too much noise while it was at it, the crocodile being larger and heavier would be on top of them before they could get far. His eyes scanned to the cliff and then up to the ridge.

"Henry," he commanded, but the boy's attention was still divided by the increasing ticking so he moved to stand between them, his back now to the oncoming danger. "Henry," he said again and this time the lad did look up at him. "You need to climb up to the ridge and find your family."

"What?" Henry asked. He couldn't leave Hook here alone.

"They are right up there." Hook said. "You can find them and come back before he gets here."

"I can't," Henry said shaking his head.

"Here. If he gets close enough for me to use it, I doubt it'll do much good." With a sharp click Hook removed his namesake and pressed it into Henry's unwilling hands. "Use it to get purchase as you climb."

"That's not the problem," Henry exclaimed, his frustration building as Hook's words conjured a terrifying image. "I can't just leave you here."

"Yes you can."

"But-"

"Just listen to me this one last time and I'll never come near you again. Now get up there!" Hook shoved him toward the cliff face but Henry frowned at him and refused to move.

"That's not what I want," he said quietly.

"What," Hook asked, sure he could hear snapping twigs accompanying the ticking. Whatever power it was that allowed the beast to track him it seemed to only give it a general direction. They still may have time to get out of this as it looked for them.

"That's not what I want," Henry repeated loudly. Hook blinked in surprise and then smiled. He patted Henry softly on the cheek.

"Alright lad, we will discuss this all at a length most men avoid, I promise you, but that will depend on you getting up that cliff and back here with reinforcements before the monster arrives. Yes?"

"Yes Captain," Henry said nodding. Some made up children's story wasn't going to hurt his friend before he had the chance to work out if they really were still friends.

"Right, take a run up, I'll swing you as high as I can. Keep the hook high and leading and it'll bite for you." Henry felt his nerves settle at Killian's instructions, the familiar commanding tone of voice leaving no place for doubts. He took a few steps towards the woods and turned his back to the ticking, focusing on Hook as the pirate widened his stance and held his hand out towards Henry. One last shared nod and he ran.

Hook's grip was crushing as Henry jumped and he felt the Captain add to his momentum swinging him up and throwing him at the cliff face. Henry stretched the Hook out and felt it sink into the earth half a second before his chest thumped the wall and knocked the wind out of him. He scrambled, his toes slipping until he found a purchase and his left hand curled around a protruding root.

"Well done lad, it's not as far as it looks you'll be up in no time," Hook's voice urged and Henry bit his lip and started to climb.

He concentrated on making progress as he climbed, sinking the hook and his toes in between the mud and stone again and again, not allowing himself to get distracted and waste more time. Looking up he saw he only had another foot to go before he'd see over the top and risked a quick glance down, his heart freezing in his chest as he saw Killian backed up against the cliff wall, the long cruel snout of the crocodile appearing between the trees as it lumbered around sniffing the air for a hint of it's prey.

"Killian!" he shouted and the felt a cold rush of panic as the crocodile's head whipped around towards his voice. "No, no!" he exclaimed, horrified at his error. "Killian run!"

"Henry?"

Henry had never been happier to see his mother's concerned face looking down at him, although when it morphed from concerned to panic he jerked back around in time to see Killian jump onto the cliff face and start to climb, his progress severely hampered by the lack of his hook as the crocodile's huge bulk breached the tree line aiming straight for him.

He twisted around further to see if there was a way to drop the hook back to the pirate when his feet slipped out from under him. He bashed face first into the rocks and dirt and then he was falling, nothing but empty air around him. Time froze, before he was yanked back to the rocks, his mother's hands clasped around his right wrist, the hook still gleaming in his fist between them.

"Hit it in the face!" She shouted and then his other mother was there, distracted by his situation for only a moment, before a fireball lit up her palm and was sent soaring down towards the monster at the bottom of the cliff.

Henry's face was forced towards the wall and he had to focus on helping Emma drag him upwards, but he heard the crackle of another fireball fly past, the answering roar of anger and strained to hear any sign that Killian was still alive. The world suddenly shifted and he was lying flat on the solid earth, Emma lying next to him, both taking a moment to check the other was OK.

"Mom," Henry said suddenly, his eyes growing wide. "You can send it back to him." He shoved the hook at her and she shook her head immediately.

"Henry I don't -" she started.

"Don't try to be precise just stick it in the cliff above him," snapped Regina as she threw another fireball. "Didn't you say this thing was made of paper? I'm barely slowing it down."

They crawled back to the edge and looked down. Hook had stopped trying to climb about halfway up and was putting his remaining energy into clinging to the cliff face while the crocodile tried to reach up to him. Another fireball hit it in the snout and sent it back a step. Killian looked up and saw the three of them were safe, a grateful smile split his face despite the monster snapping at his feet.

Henry looked expectantly at Emma who's eyes flicked between them all before settling on the man hanging from the rocks below them. She balanced the hook on her palms and closed her eyes. Nothing happened.

"Focus Emma," Regina growled. Emma coughed out a puff of air and scrunched her face up but once again nothing happened. She groaned and checked on Hook. How did they expect her to focus in the middle of this? The pirate was right where he'd been before but the crocodile had apparently had enough of having fire thrown at his face and had backed off to the edge of the clearing. Emma let out a sigh of relief, which of course the universe took as a challenge.

Without warning the crocodile bent sharply and charged at the cliff, slamming into it hard enough for them to feel the vibrations at the top of the ridge and for the rock Hook was holding onto to slide loose. With a strangled yelp his left arm pushed uselessly at the rock face trying to regain his hold. Henry swore the monstrous crocodile smiled as it opened its jaws and waited patiently for the feast to fall into them. He became acutely aware of the noise he couldn't hear. What happened to the ticking?

"Mom!" Henry pleaded. Regina cursed under her breath and built up another ball of flame, but before she could release it Emma stood up, her eyes wide but unfocused and her hands in tight fists around the hook. The metal felt warm and slick from both Henry's and her exertions, but it still triggered a hundred memories of the man it belonged to. There was a flash and pale clearing smoke revealed Captain Hook standing in front of them, traces of panic still on his features.

"Bloody hell," he mumbled trying to regain his balance without losing his dignity. Henry grabbed him, holding on as if he was worried he was about to fall down the cliff again. Hook patted him solidly on the back, reassuring the lad he was OK, Emma and Regina looking on in an awkward mix of approval and disapproval.

Hook looked up to Emma over her son's head and she felt a sudden need to escape. His blue gaze was too heavy, saying so much more than gratitude, filled with a desperation which had nothing to do with dangling over his death just moments before.

A strange flapping and crunching noise drew their attention and they all peered down over the cliff edge to see the giant crocodile mournfully folding back into itself until nothing but a small hardback book remained.

"Your Majesty, would you mind awfully?" Hook asked, gesturing at the book. Regina rolled her eyes but scorched it into ashes anyway.

"What happened?" Emma asked, glad to have a topic to focus on away from piercing eyed pirates. "Why did it suddenly... fold up?"

"The curse must have broken," Regina said thoughtfully. If she was about to suggest Emma's magical rescue had been an act of true love Emma was going to scream. "You beat your story Captain," the Queen said instead.

"My story? _Peter Pan and Wendy_ you mean?" Hook asked. Regina hummed as she thought it through and liked the idea.

"The crocodile stops ticking and Captain Hook falls into its mouth," she said. "The surrounding details are different but that creature was literally made from J.M. Barrie's story and so it must have had to follow certain plot points." Hook scoffed at her understated description of what had just happened.

"As I didn't get eaten he couldn't follow the rest of the story and he was destroyed," he summed up, nodding in agreement with her reasoning.

"That explains how Charming cured Snow, he wasn't supposed to give her true love's kiss until she's asleep later in the story. This'll make it much easier to cure anyone else affected." Regina replied.

She looked at everyone expecting gratitude and appreciation reflected back at her for firstly saving Hook from the giant reptile and then working out her insane sister's curse, but besides her son who at least gave her a smile the other two were too busy avoiding each other's eye to show her any attention. The Mayor rolled her eyes again and gave Henry a hug before she pulled him back towards where they'd left Charming, deciding the two idiots would at least have enough sense to follow her.

Emma quickly fell into step with them and wrapped her arm around her son, because she'd just seen him nearly fall off a cliff not as a shield against a certain pirate who had also nearly died. Henry gave her a look that suggested no one was falling for it and twisted to check Hook was following. The pirate gave him a wave of acknowledgment but nodded at Emma and kept his distance.

"What's going on with you two?" Emma asked, noticing the silent conversation.

"We're going to talk," her son replied happily.

"Oh. Good, I guess," Emma replied. She should be against this shouldn't she? Hook was really good with Henry and she was the one who put them together, but that was before his betrayal. David is enough of a male figure in Henry's life although he'd probably need to focus on the baby for a while. She had been right the first time, she couldn't take a risk with him, like she had been, repeatedly, since before Neverland, over a year ago.

"You should talk too," Henry said. Emma didn't agree, but she didn't disagree either.

…..

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for reading. Please drop me a review, it's difficult to explain the emotions you go through when no one tells you what they think of your work.

I hope the hiatus is treating you all well and all the best for the new year.


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